confessional

I have a secret
can I tell you my secret?
a revolting
disgusting secret
are you ready?
I have worms

I have worms
in my digestive canal
I've taken pills
to drive them away
to eliminate them
to flush them
waste
from my bowels
into the earth's

I've taken pills
but the worms come back
they wriggle at night
I want to puke
I think I saw one
that I pulled out over the john

I have worms
they won't stay away
because also I have
a nine year old child
light of my life
star in my sky
dirty long talons
that go into her mouth

I am a loving father
a doting father
an intimate father
traipsing through the vines of Eden
calling, my child,
Come, where are you
return to me
let's eat
It's
dinnertime

I am a subaltern father
a colonized father
a queer
attached
mother-and-father father
I won't push my child away
I won't hold her down and remake her body
I won't place her under my knife
I am not Abraham
I am not white
god made me of stone

~

So I make space
I hold space
the space that you occupy
I sit with this discomfort
in my rectum

Worms
your days are numbered
I am coming for you
just not today